Last night for our women’s Bible study we watched a movie called October Baby. This movie is so beautiful! Besides being a wonderful movie to watch and a wonderful experience, it also got me thinking about my life because one of the lines that stuck out to me from the film is “To be human, is to be beautifully flawed.” The minute it was said I just…sighed (and I’m pretty certain I cried, I can’t really remember because I cried a majority of the movie). The main reason I love this line so much is because I am an extreme people pleaser! Even though I know that I am not a perfect person by any means or by anyone’s standards, I still try to be perfect in people’s eyes. It’s really tough!! I’ve always been this way. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make other people happy, because I hate when people are angry with me. A time when I tried to cover up all the flaws that make up my life. I just always felt like being flawed was a bad thing; nobody would want to be surrounded by a flawed girl or whatever. But I’ve come to realize that God wants me, flaws and all!! Which is a BEAUTIFUL thought in and of itself!! God has been teaching me how to fully trust Him, and even though I will never be perfect at it, I long for the day when I trust God with the smallest of details in my life. With the flaws.
“To be human, is to be beautifully flawed.” The fact that this statement is true in my life is rather amazing! For me it’s true because I am learning, albeit slowly learning none the less, that not everybody is going to always be happy with the decisions I make, but God gives us the ability to choose for a reason. Sometimes we make good choices, and other times we make not so good choices, but I’ve come to realize that every choice in life, no matter how good or bad, is part of the story. God doesn’t want for us to suffer and be sad and hate our lives; He wants us to live and love the life we lead. For me that means making some people angry along the way by making decisions for myself. In every season in my life different decisions will be made, and for each season it is the right decision. I know this is true for my life because I have made choices that weren’t appropriate for a certain time in my life. Do I regret making the choice? Absolutely not!! It taught me something and I have learned, and I am beyond grateful for the learning opportunity. But like I said, making decisions sometimes makes other people unhappy and even though it shouldn’t matter to me, it does because like I said earlier, I hate when people are upset with me. I hate knowing that I’ve done something to upset someone. But I am beginning to learn that life isn’t about pleasing other people, and it isn’t about trying to make other people happy; life is about doing what you love and being happy with that. It’s about being completely okay with God and just loving the life we’re given to live. I rely very heavily on acceptance from other people rather than do the things which make me most happy – reading a book, listening to music, sitting in complete silence, napping, watching funny YouTube videos or strange British shows on Netflix, going to bookstores, drinking tea or coffee, people watching, sitting by myself, going to lunch with friends, getting coffee with people. Yet even when others don’t accept my ridiculous antics or understand my love for things strange and unusual or like that I am hanging out with certain people, God totally loves and accepts me and finds the beauty in these strange quirks of mine.
The thought that God, who created the heavens and the earth. Who knows the stars by name, and knew me before I was even thought of or born. The thought that He wants and longs for me is something that will always ASTOUND me!! Even when I am incredibly ridiculous, and even when I am just so extremely ridiculous I can’t believe it, He still wants me. What a beautiful thought!! What a great love!!