No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

-Joshua 1:5

This verse came to mind this morning and I am so thankful for this wonderful promise that I will never be left or forsaken! What peace and joy comes to mind when I think of this!

“To be human, is to be beautifully flawed”

Last night for our women’s Bible study we watched a movie called October Baby. This movie is so beautiful! Besides being a wonderful movie to watch and a wonderful experience, it also got me thinking about my life because one of the lines that stuck out to me from the film is “To be human, is to be beautifully flawed.” The minute it was said I just…sighed (and I’m pretty certain I cried, I can’t really remember because I cried a majority of the movie). The main reason I love this line so much is because I am an extreme people pleaser! Even though I know that I am not a perfect person by any means or by anyone’s standards, I still try to be perfect in people’s eyes. It’s really tough!! I’ve always been this way. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t trying to make other people happy, because I hate when people are angry with me. A time when I tried to cover up all the flaws that make up my life. I just always felt like being flawed was a bad thing; nobody would want to be surrounded by a flawed girl or whatever. But I’ve come to realize that God wants me, flaws and all!! Which is a BEAUTIFUL thought in and of itself!! God has been teaching me how to fully trust Him, and even though I will never be perfect at it, I long for the day when I trust God with the smallest of details in my life. With the flaws.

“To be human, is to be beautifully flawed.” The fact that this statement is true in my life is rather amazing! For me it’s true because I am learning, albeit slowly learning none the less, that not everybody is going to always be happy with the decisions I make, but God gives us the ability to choose for a reason. Sometimes we make good choices, and other times we make not so good choices, but I’ve come to realize that every choice in life, no matter how good or bad, is part of the story. God doesn’t want for us to suffer and be sad and hate our lives; He wants us to live and love the life we lead. For me that means making some people angry along the way by making decisions for myself. In every season in my life different decisions will be made, and for each season it is the right decision. I know this is true for my life because I have made choices that weren’t appropriate for a certain time in my life. Do I regret making the choice? Absolutely not!! It taught me something and I have learned, and I am beyond grateful for the learning opportunity. But like I said, making decisions sometimes makes other people unhappy and even though it shouldn’t matter to me, it does because like I said earlier, I hate when people are upset with me. I hate knowing that I’ve done something to upset someone. But I am beginning to learn that life isn’t about pleasing other people, and it isn’t about trying to make other people happy; life is about doing what you love and being happy with that. It’s about being completely okay with God and just loving the life we’re given to live. I rely very heavily on acceptance from other people rather than do the things which make me most happy – reading a book, listening to music, sitting in complete silence, napping, watching funny YouTube videos or strange British shows on Netflix, going to bookstores, drinking tea or coffee, people watching, sitting by myself, going to lunch with friends, getting coffee with people. Yet even when others don’t accept my ridiculous antics or understand my love for things strange and unusual or like that I am hanging out with certain people, God totally loves and accepts me and finds the beauty in these strange quirks of mine.

The thought that God, who created the heavens and the earth. Who knows the stars by name, and knew me before I was even thought of or born. The thought that He wants and longs for me is something that will always ASTOUND me!! Even when I am incredibly ridiculous, and even when I am just so extremely ridiculous I can’t believe it, He still wants me. What a beautiful thought!! What a great love!!

Courage, Strength & Magic

I recently finished watching Merlin which is a BBC show based on Arthurian Legend, which I am extremely fascinated by!! This show has slowly become one of my favourite television shows. Although I do love BBC, even though they toy with my emotions quite a bit, I love this show for the story it tells. There is one episode that I have mulled over for a bit now that really got to me.

In this episode Prince Arthur has to go on a journey in order to prove himself worthy of the crown. In order for him to properly complete this journey of his, he has to go at it alone. But right away Merlin, who is his servant and closest friend, gets a hunch that things are not going to end well, so he takes it upon himself to go after him. On his way to Arthur, Merlin stops by and picks up one of his friends called Gwaine. Now Merlin and Gwaine are on their way to help Arthur and Arthur is close to his destination. This is when it gets good. So Arthur gets to this bridge where there’s this little man, who’s actually called The Guaradian of the Bridge but I’ll just call him little man, who acknowledges Arthur as Courage then they have a bit of banter when little man says to Arthur, “As Courage there are two more things you will need to complete your quest; Strength and Magic”. Now at the time magic is outlawed in Camelot because Arthur’s father, King Uther, bans it, so Arthur says he doesn’t condone the use of magic. Also since Arthur thinks he’s so super awesome, he thinks he has the strength needed to complete the journey, even though he is growing unknowingly weak. So Arthur crosses the bridge and goes on his merry way. Well, a bit later Merlin and Gwaine appear at the same bridge, where it is realized that they are Magic and Strength, respectively. They go on to find Arthur and they help him accomplish his mission and he proves himself to be worthy of the throne of Camelot.

So the reason this episode got me thinking so much is because Arthur went on a journey, and he thought he had to go at it alone. He thought he could accomplish this great duty by himself, when in all reality he needed Merlin and Gwaine. He needed Magic and Strength. He needed strength because he was growing weak, and he needed the magic because he needed the extra help. All I could think about this idea was that life is a journey where we are continually trying to prove ourselves. Whether we are trying to show other people we are good enough, or we are trying to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of something, we are always trying to prove something. And we are always going at it alone,because a lot of the time we think we have to go at it alone. This is not true in any way!!

As I’ve journeyed through my short life, I have realized how much I’ve needed people! How much I’ve needed God!! I feel like so many times in my life I have thought I was Arthur. I have thought life is a journey I was meant to go about alone. I have learned though that this could not be farther from the truth!! Over time, especially since I’ve been in college, I have learned the importance of community and the importance in friendship. I have also learned about the importance of trusting people, as well as trusting God. Although I still struggle with the concept of trust, I do trust God and I trust His plans for my life, and I trust the people I am closest to and I have come to see that my trust in these people and in God is a key element in my life’s journey. If Arthur didn’t trust either Merlin or Gwaine it probably would have been really hard for him to complete his quest. In this same way I’ve realized that I have to trust the people I’m close with. I have to trust my dearest friends with the fragile things in my life, and I have to trust God with the sensitive. As I said in an earlier post, I have been tremendously blessed by a community who has helped me navigate the difficult things in life, and I have been blessed by a family who has loved me despite my shortcomings!! But besides that, I have been blessed by a God who LOVES to be my ‘more than I could imagine’.

Life is a journey that is best adventured in a group. It’s no fun to go through life without people to make memories with. It’s absolutely no fun to go through life without loving and living, and what better way to love and live than to let people in!! Since I’m an extreme introvert this has always been hard for me, but I must say, since I’ve accepted the people God has blessed me with and since I’ve fully begun to embrace those He has surrounded me with, my life has been an ABSOLUTE joy!! And it has been way more fun than I could ever possibly imagine, all because God likes to give us the things we need; we gain our own little Courage, Strength & Magic team.